The secret secret meeting.

JoeBidenSaladSanwich

A dimly lite hall in the back of the White House, a bovine bottomed handler with her arm tightly clasped under the arm of the President of The United States Joseph Robinette Biden Jr. They shuffles down carpeted walk. Doors are passed on each side of the long hallway each with brass plates with titles of the room etched upon them. Nearly the end the White House the aide points to the door straight ahead and says “Their waiting sir.”

Biden: Whose waiting?

Aide: The generals and chiefs of staff for your meeting.

Biden: Ah yeah, those guys. I’m tired Jennifer…

Aide: I’m Alice Mr. President…

Biden: Ah yes, you’re the one with nice smelling hair, I don’t like the other one, she has funny eyes an she yells at me…

Aide: Lol, no she not yelling she sometimes speaks louder cause you hearing is a bit off sometimes. Just sometimes.

Biden: I can hear quite well, when I was in school back in the day, I had the best hearing in my town…Scranton. I was the best hearer in Scranton, I’ll have you know.

Aide: Sir they’re waiting!

Biden: This door? *Pointing*

Aide: No Mr. President the other one, the bigger one.

The aide turns and walks back down the hallway. The President approach a large door with a big brass plaque that reads, Joint Chiefs of Staff on it and knocks lightly, waiting a number of seconds more he knocks again a little more briskly. The attendant looks back hearing the knocking and hustles back to the president’s side just as the big door opens with Gen Mark A. Milley peering round the edge of it.

Milley: Come in sir.

The President moves into a room with the Joint chiefs sitting around a large conference table. Moving towards General Milley’s empty chair. The eyes in room follow him as he stares meekly back at them.

Milley: Sir! This is ah…this is ah better chair for you. *Pointing to a chair at the head of the conference table*

Biden: That’s my dad’s chair.

Milley: Well… you can sit there this time Mr. President. I’m sure.

Biden: Yes, I’m the president and I can sit there for a while…hope dad won’t be pissed. He turns clicks his heals and salutes and then shakes an invisible character hand. He moves to the chair at the head of the grand table and sits. 

Biden: Sooo, is there coffee and doughnuts, the ones with sprinkles?

Milley: *Returning to his seat he looks around the room at the others looking back at him* We can have coffee later sir, we need to talk about some important things first right now. Some very important things.

Sir to begin with I have been speaking with my counterparts on the on-going situation in the ah..in the ah, Ukraine and it seems that our effort is requiring a little more umf. We have depleted most our old arsenal and those stocks need to be restocked with materiel for our own gain preferably in the latest the industry has to offer. Our motor pools across the nation are needing an upgrade, we left a lot when we left Afghanistan, haven’t really caught up as yet. And with world shortages we need to address this, or start busing out troops to the front. LOL. As you know we are at $770 billion for this year’s budget and that could rise a bit more depending on inflationary rate and monies to get the industry back to snuff. We have engaged the problem and COVID left us in a bit of blow back as those systems should never have come under the emergencies powers. We must become a little more lenient with mandates of Covid as many of those working in weapons sectors…well we are finding is difficult to replace those if mandates are matched White house rules. We have improvised an advanced Ukrainian agenda that entails some $33 billion in new weapons and aide funding in to Ukraine to combat the fierce and underestimated, if I might say so, of the Russian offence. We have good coverage with our allies perking up to the latest intel and boots on the ground advisory…

Biden: So, coffee and doughnuts will be what…say maybe in twenty minutes Markey?

*Milley looks at the president and then casting his down his hands and shaking his head. *

Secretary Lloyd Austin: Mr. President, it is vital we address these issues thoroughly, that general Milley has outlined here we need to look in depth at the ramifications of our decisions here and for the rest of the world. Sir I cannot emphasis more stringently the need to gain a foothold against Vladimir Putin and his expansionism…

Biden: POOTIN, him again, didn’t we deal with him last week?

Austin: Last week sir you suggested we “Nuke the fucker right now” …

Biden: AND I MEANT IT, how come my orders have been ignored? Where’s that button thingy?

Austin: You mean the nuclear suitcase sir?

Biden: Yes, the football thing, past it off to me, I’ll push it…ya know in high school I was the quarterback and all kids laughed at me because I had the hairiest legs on the team, the girls use to comb it ya know, and it was blond and was shiny in the sunlight…

Austin: Sir may we continue?

Biden: Okay, God a guy can’t talk about his past…without

Milley: Sir we need you to go to congress and get them on board with this and sound off to the media to engage them on how important this is for our side. You want to win. Right, Mr. President? And Putin is gaining a grip sir.

Biden: Well, what if I challenge him to a fight, Elon Musk wanted to fight, but God that guy bought fucking Twitter and he’s too fat. Watch him ban me on Twitter. Don’t any of you guys tell, I said he was fat. Of course, I am really popular on TikTok. Have you seen my TikTok stuff?

Austin: Sir we’ve had to downplay a lot of what you post, nudity is against TikTok policy and those dance moves are to say the least, delightful. Sir can we get back to the subject? We along with our friends have sent some 100-155mm howitzers. And it seems Mr. Putin is aware of how they are entering, and without proper electronics and optics we’re literally fucked sir. Every time we send something, every time we send weapons shipments he blows them up…he has destroyed three major rail lines in the Ukraine, so trucking is the only means since he owns the fuckin air. They even spot our drones and those those little bastards are expensive.

Biden: NUKE EM, Nuke that fucking pouteen mutherfucker, nuke his dogs, nuke his gardener…Nuke his mom. NUKE the whole fucking place…

Austin: Really sir? His mom is dead. Sir that has to remain an undeniable last option. If we get better optics and ears which is why we need a further $33 billion for…sir, as chairman at Raytheon, we, well they have introduced to me some very, very exciting new things that will change the face and nature of this conflagration. We would be able to tie his hands and literally pull down his metaphorical pants. We would waste his time and waste his resources in a zero-sum match that would stop any of his ambitions to continue throughout a changing Europe. Sweden and Finland are what we aimed at as you know that was the real brass ring and with both female leaders on board for swift entry into NATO, we could apply a little more pressure to meet that goal. Totally Sir. But we need your help here.

Biden: You guys said twenty minutes and twenty minutes is up, and I am not listening any more till I get a fucking doughnut, where that girl with nice smelling hair.

Milley: Sir are we in agreement?

Biden: Yes, yes, yesyesyess…

Milley: Okay sir, we need you sign this…*Milley pushes a large NATO document towards the president, and it is pass along to him* …so we may proceed with particulars Mr. President. I will inform those in concerns to apply what we have agreed on immediately. And start engaging logistics. One last thing sir. China.

Biden: I need coffee and a nap.

*The door opens and in enters three White House staffers with trays of coffee and doughnuts*