BREAKING NEWS: Al Gore seemingly unglued, informs ‘stunned’ Davos crowd of terrible atmospheric rivers and fucking climate rain bombs falling on our heads, while the oceans rise and drowns us all in dirty salty micro-plastic filled water.

 

…yes the oceans are boiling and the sky is falling, and chickens are coming home to roost.

AlGoreClimateBombs

 

Turning in the last of my saved up booze bottles and beer cans, empty milk containers and water bottles with pennies to spare, I was able to book a cheap flight to Davos and take in some of Davos 2023.

Passing through the army in white of 5000; unnoticed as a retarded and homeless Swiss man. I slept at a bus stop and eat a very good meal out of one the dumpsters behind the event site. It was seven course meal and there was a three-quarters empty bottle of “Josh” red wine. I drank my wine looking at picturesque Davos in winter.

Sporting a counterfeit press pass on that event day — that I got online last Christmas, I hurried to the news event of the century. I cleaned up in gas station a block from the place.

It was, I knew, going to be one of Al Gore’s most invigorating speech on the nature of the climate. Well its not really nature…nature it seems has turned against us and is now in full metal jacket against us humans beings. Seems we’ve pissed the bitch off and she’s gunning for all us puny little humans.

That’s right Mother Nature is sick and tire and he/him/she/it/they/those/them and that and the other is not taking anymore.

I was well prepped for what I knew was going to be a whizbanger. 

MushroomsAsClouds

*In a B J Thomas fashion…*

“Rain bombs are falling on my head/And just like the guy whose feet are too big for his bed/Nothing seems to fit/Those rain bombs are falling on my head, they keep falling/ So I just…

 

John Kerry’s gloomy and rather dull “I am convinced that we will get to a low-carbon economy. I’m not convinced we’re going to get there in time.”. His solution for this ‘not getting there on time’, money, money, and more fucking money.

Al Gore said to the attendees that we are ” “going through a sustainability revolution that has the scale of the industrial revolution coupled with the pace of the digital revolution.”. Whatever that means.

Al’s pissed at us all as usual, but this time and poignantly he states about oil and gas that we are fighting “tooth and nail in every form”

“We desperately need to scale down anti-climate finance,”

— Al Gore

Al Gore has laid out the plan in easy steps and it involves lots of money…

  • Just 2% of philanthropic finance goes to nature and climate — Davos panellists want to see more.
  • We need to be investing $9 in renewable energy per dollar in fossil fuel, according to a top economist.
  • And we need to scale down anti-climate finance, says Al Gore 

Looking weak and rather bully-able, I squeezed my way to the exited and excited contestants at Al Gore’s speech on climate. The crowd was a little unglued themselves after Albert Arnold’s speech, which was a completely waxed and spin dried hissy fit on the Davos stage. 

Outside the venue Al and the other six contestants faced, what was a bit of a chaos scene as three news spokesmen/spokeswomen/spokespersons/spokesothers from the restricted list of media journalists allowed to frequent this year Davos meeting rushed the larger crowd of forum speakers and attendees. 

Sneaking in unseen from the rear of the crowd, I nudged a rather large women reporter from some news affiliate out of position and thrust my mike into the fro…

“Al” I sez, “What’s the scoop dude.”

At this, his head became extremely red and veins started to clump up in clusters on his forehead, one rather large mother looked it was about come in, like a gusher, and his reddening face oozed large drops of sweat that beaded up and dropped frozen to the Swiss sidewalk like beads from a broken virgins necklace. 

I distinctly heard a click sound, as if from a recorder and heard Al’s head say…

… and the words gained speed ever quickening and I swore it sounded like he was filled with helium gas.

“…and the accumulated amount is now trapping as much extra heat as would be released by 600,000 Hiroshima class atomic bombs, exploding every single day, on the earth. That’s what’s boiling the oceans, creating these atmospheric rivers, and the rain bombs, and sucking the moisture out of the land and creating the droughts, and melting the ice, and raising the sea level and causing these waves of climate refugees, predicted to reach one billion in this century. Look at the xenophobia and political authoritarian trends that have come from just a few million refugees. What about a billion? We would loose our capacity for self governance on this world. We have to act. So in answer to your question I would say, “We have to have a sense of urgency much greater than we have yet had, and we need, have had, and we need to make some changes.”

 

Yes sirreebob, 600,000 atomic bombs, every-single-day and I dunno how many rain bombs are falling on that same day at the same time, but all I know is we’re fucked.

When one takes the time to take in the meaning, to contemplate over a supper of some ungulated something or other; of Al’s emotional and sweat dipped words, the amounts are too fantastic to comprehend, 600,000 x 365 days, that is 219,000,000 Hiroshima sized atomic bombs a year. Oh the humanity, god only knows how many rain bombs go along with that huge huge number.

I don’t know about you, but, I for one am recycling a hell of lot more than last year!

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